NEW

“Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it? There it is! I’m making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands. ISAIAH 43:18-19, MSG 

But the Lord says, “Do not cling to events of the past or dwell on what happened long ago.  Watch for the new thing I am going to do. It is happening already—you can see it now! I will make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there. ISAIAH 43:18-19, GNT

Freshness! Serenity! Laughter! Strength! Newness!!! I am experiencing all round newness. There is an evolution of my person. I am witnessing a paradigm shift, gifts are birthing, order is returning, balance is being restored, healing is taking place and most importantly my relationship with God is changing for good.


I talked about emotional hurt in the previous post yeah? I'm sure a little bit of detail would clear the curiosity.

Unlike what most of you had in mind the origin of my hurt is not break up(lol far from it, a lot of you probably thought in that direction), miscarriage( noooo, I'm still very young and unmarried. Yeah single not searching😊), death of a loved one(Glory to Jesus, He's been preserving everyone dear to me), rape(my Jesus fights off every devourer), loss of job(I'm a student) or bullying. What then? What's with the suspense? Guys this is a lot to handle. I am literally about to open myself to the world. The whole wide world!(To my surprise and glory of Jesus, this blog gets views from different countries. Some of which I don't know people who live there talk less of sending them links to the blog. So yes! the whole world!)

Okay! Let's do this!(breathes out) The pain I experienced majorly stemmed from an unstable home. I was raised in a noisy environment with both parents getting on each others nerves every now and then. There is a fight today, an argument tomorrow and it just never ended or so it seemed. So I had to grow faster in maturity than my peers. Although I always had the tendency to be more level-headed than the other kids I schooled with or associated with in my early years the experiences boosted my mental processes. I was able to pick up signals and act according to the ambience. As a young girl I tried as much as possible to be responsible because my parents worked late into the night most of the time. So I made sure to take very good care of my sisters by ensuring their assignments were up to date, they ate and had their baths when they got back from school(I used to pick them from school till one was able to go home herself and the other joined the school bus), they slept at the right time, I made sure the uniforms and socks they would wear to school the following day were clean and ironed and it goes on and on. It really wasn't easy for me because I had to be strong and available from a very young age- age 7 maybe. I didn't get to play child like most children because I was afraid unnecessary attachment or whining might cause an eruption of volcanic anger so I would rather be by myself. That's when it started. That was when I started building on invulnerability. I would have migraine from overstressing and won't say a word because I felt my folks were going through a lot and it's just headache, it will go. I would be emotionally drained when some of my high school teachers said hurtful words to me because my assignment were incomplete (it was hard to keep up mehn! I had good grades in most of my subjects nonetheless) but I would wear my prettiest smile because I'm strong and who am I? I'm Titilayo! What's my name? Titilayo! I am everlasting joy(my favourite translation of Titilayo) it's only natural for me to always smile. PURE DECEIT!!! I loved and still love smiling but I justed want to hug daddy and talk to mummy. I built on over resilience. I learnt how to be stuck up. I used to take the blame for the mistakes adults made. I filled in the gap for grownups. I was just a child. A child! A child under lots of pressure. A child that had no rest of mind. A child that wasn't even regarded as a child.

I didn't realize the cut was so deep until my fingers started trembling while typing and the tears came flooding. I know my writing style is writing from my heart because there is so much rawness, originality, depth and love in there and so I like my readers to feel every word. The emotions these memories evoke are too strong for my hypersensitive self to resist. I am sorry if this causes you to cry or makes you sober. I'm humbling myself to obey the instruction of the Holy Spirit because someone needs this. I never would have done it by myself.

Let's talk new. Enough of the strong emotions😃.

Due to the ongoing ASUU strike(most of the government owned universities are no longer in session. I attend one) I have been able to distance myself from the academic hustle-bustle and people. I have been spending most of my time writing in my journal(I like to capture the moments plus it's good for sorting out my thoughts), writing poems for my future self, praying, bonding with my family members(God is working on us), I have tried reading and the part I like the most worshipping(singing gives me so much joy). Looking back at where I have come from and where I am now I can't help but be grateful. Jesus truly loves me. He's changing me from the girl that sits at the back of her room door crying into the woman whose sleeping abode is a war room. Because of Jesus I no longer smile to avoid questions I smile from my heart so people can ask me the reason behind my smile- Jesus!!! Why he kept me from depression and other forms of psychological disorder baffles me. There were times I struggled to keep it in. I wondered why people couldn't see me aching(my friends particularly) or even offer to help when they did instead of wanting from me when I was running low. In those moments, Jesus always came through. He always motivated me when there was no support and responsibilities were calling. He raised strangers to show me love when I was needing compassion. Every time someone or people condemned me He had a way of turning it into compliments. If only my tears could repay this undeserving love He shows me. I don't even know when I will finish this post because I can't stop crying, I am beyond grateful. For the renewal of my heart I am really grateful. Just what have I done or could I possibly do to deserve this? How can He trust my incapability and give me the mandate of adding eternal value to the lives of others? Not only has He chosen me, He has blessed me with every spiritual blessing and is teaching me how  to operate in the gifts of the spirit He has endowed me with like seeing visions, dreaming, discernment, teaching, words of wisdom, gifts of tongues, interpretation of tongues. Only me! Just who am I? He is even raising a well defined support system for me. He is bringing up people who would mould me, encourage me and enjoy the moments with me as I would with them. He is making me new. He is helping me come out of my shell and express myself well. I am walking deeper in purpose and adequate self-expression is requisite. He won't have me break into eerrmm, uhhm, aaah, I don't knooow, what's the word? just because I want to complete a sentence. He is returning the eloquence situations have stripped off me.

Nothing will ever be the same because I am letting go of the past- the hurt, embarrassments, spiteful words, and yes! I am alert to the things, the brand new things Christ is working in me. The kingdom of darkness cannot prevail over this light. A new creature that will exert dominion over principalities is being born. I'm not afraid of the wilderness that comes with this season, the Lord will make a way. Running low doesn't bother me, His grace is sufficient for me. Brokenness doesn't frighten me for by His stripes I have been made whole. My wants worry me less because the Lord is my shepherd I shall not want. A new dimension of confidence has come upon me for God has not given me the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love and of sound mind. Hallelujah!

I am new!

M A N D A T E: Open yourself to healing. Be in sync with the Spirit led change. Live the new beginning.